my creator..

ok,

the creator of my life.. my form and me being here..

i think my creator is quite stingy about my strength to survive and and will power to fight..

you see... i am not ugly, nor pretty.. not really fat but definately not skinny.. not stupid but not smart either...

due to my not this nor there... lead me into a very confused state...

i appeared to lead a very good life, with my husband having a few showrooms and a growing business.....
got to work in a VERY flashy car everyday.. and i got 2 smart kids...

what more you asking for?? you are leading a very good life.. if you compared your life to those less fortunate, you are very lucky you know...

ya, good life.. i have a "imaginary" husband who behave like cinderella, only comes home after 12 am, for 7 days per week..
2 energy draining kids who will get into a new fight every 5 mins... except for the time when both are asleep..
take mrt home everyday with a bloody heavy laptop on my shoulder and a train full of PEOPLE..
cope everything at home (cooking, housework) without any help from OTHER PPL because i scared that domestic helper might beat the pulp out of my kids and my cinderella wun even lift a finger to help...

aiya, what is so bad abt your life... nothing wrong wif it..

nothing really bad happened.. just on top of that, i got myself a world class jerk for husband... he claim and claim the hell out of himself that nothing funny going on wif him and other... as what i always said, sub standard bitches... bitches who will only cling onto him because they need a singapore PR or they need a singaporean to set up a bloody company here... or because maybe he likes to bring them to expensive and fancy restaurants or drive them ard in his flashy car..

and because of these sub standard bitches... he would rather divorce me and protect them...
he will push me to the front if there is a strange insect or something... and i am his wife.. someone who he should use his life to protect... but he din... and for some low class bitches, he would rather give up his lifetime maid(and danger shield) inorder to protect their identities..
nothing going on?? you really very sure??

this is the part when my creator will increase my limited will power wif another 20%..
giving me another 20% of strength live on and tolerate this nonsense..

and when my 20% are going to be used up... my creator will give my another 20% to fight on again...

so, wif this 20% of will power... i will have to face all the rubbish...

wondering

have you wonder why we existed?

i am tired of the situation i am in.... very very helpless....

i tried to made the situation better.. but nothing seems to improve...
in fact, i think it became worse...

even some lau cai cannot got toilet, he at least go make the effort of buying prune juice for her..
but for me, i just ask him if he can buy some thoat meds for me... he ask if the med will make me mute, if will, then he will rush down and buy....

and when i already tell him the information for at least 3 times... he still needs to go confirm with that hua chi...maybe he is trying to prove to me that i am a worse worker compared to her... therefore, everything need to let her know, everything must go thru her..

how much more nonsense do i need to endure??

i really dun know how long i can still hold on, or how long i still can manage...

feelings

i am actually very very angry just now....

but, somehow, i managed to pull myself back...

anger...

is a 2 sided blade...

i must learn how to manage my anger better.....
is not my fault when that person is stupid....
is not my fault when that person is over rating herself..
is not my fault when the person owns money and dun want to pay up

I just wants to do my job and do it properly...

not that i wants bother you...but i can function better if i clear my doubts...
and,
to prevent you from pounding on me.....

THIS IS NOT YOUR BUSINESS, YOU GOT NO RITE TO MAKE DECISIONS.

finding this phase familiar?? ya, this is always what you will throw to me....
but, funny hor.....

when other ppl give shit problems, you are willing to spend time and efforts to explain to them... and comfort them.... even when you know is because they purposely did it......

but for me... you dun even bother to answer me.... and you can give me rubbish like...
YOU ARE ONLY TO GIF ME SOLUTIONS, NO QUESTIONS...

hmm, maybe you forgot... even you the auntie whom you paid thousands of dollars per year, will call and ask questions before she is able to provide you wif the solutions...

why? i also dun understand....
is it really you treat outsiders better then your family ppl?
or i am just another unecessary ppl ard you???

i am already trying my best to help... and if doing several things at the same time is not good enough... then too bad, i really not up to the mark of your expectation.

but, i am still a very hot tempered person.... and seriously i might really slap her on her stupid face on of this day if she still try to be funny..