stupid mistake

i made a very stupid mistake today, so stupid until i also find it stupid...

i actually wanted to clarify.. but judging from your usual style, you will only scold me and once again insult my ability to work...

ya, i am not smart... but i am doing 4 things at the same time when i made that stupid mistake...

what to do... i am stupid, just not like someone, who will act innocent and blur infront of you..

seriously, i am stupid.....

my ear

hmm... abit strange for this period of time..

first, my back pain till i went hospital..
then now,

one of my ear blocked.. and i cannot hear anything except an annoying Eeeeeeeeee sound...

-_-"'

ugly?

can you please stop lying to me? i am really very scared...
you have made human seen so ugly...


when will i be a happier me?

缘之禅

姻缘， 是天赐
孽缘， 是自找

find this phase very meaningful...
if the happiness is already here,
why you butt so itchy still want to go about searching?

anyway, zen aside.... i think i put on weight....
although the weight is still the same,
but i look rounder compared to last week...
cham lah... i think i had too much good food at ni ma house this week..
i think ni ma house got a "fatty" fengshui..
will get fat even you drink water only at her house...
-_-"'

something is wrong...

ok, i know i should not complain abt life... but...i feel that something is definately wrong somewhere...

no, not that i cannot take the nonsense and wimping like a loser...
no, not that i am not strong enought to withstand the rubbish dumped onto me...

but..... just wondering...

izzit, life lied to me?? you wun get what you want even you put in effort?? people will just entertain you because you are still useful...not because of the effort that you put in...

so, why should i changed for the better?? for the sake of who???

can someone tell me that i am not wasting my time changing myself?? as least i dun need to felt so idiotic..

past the stage

well, i have already past the stage of fantasying that i have a husband, i am merely your wife when festival necessary...

not, me who wanted you to come home early... the "demand" was from your sons... why daddy cannot come home early to play wif us??

and, the only old and lousy excuse you gif is that.. you need to work... you got work commitments... althought you put in the effort to phase it differently, but, the meaning is still the same.... *yawn*

but, funny?? you are always on ready mode and have time to go entertain those funny characters?

tired to find out who is more important to you?? your family or those funny character you happened to met on the road? and the answer will be disappointing for my kids...

can you help me out of this situation? tell them the truth?? ya, daddy dun want to come home because you all are too noisy.. too demanding.. and i just simply dun enjoy being home wif all of you...

i seriously think that all you need to do is to tell them the truth once, is alot better than me always lying to them...

thank you..

pi water

first of all, there is something i like to clarify...

not because i want to poke my nose into your affairs, just that i dun want to see another me in the future... my life is not a bed of roses... so dun go that way...
anyway, since you think you can handle it... then good... i trust you should have the mind to think and eyes to see..

back to my pi water...

got this funny water filter installed today because i found some unknown substances in the tap water that i used for boiling...

the water after it filter is called pine water... or on net, pi water...

used it for didi milk formula... and when i wash the bottle, it dun feel so "sticky" and "oily" like the past...
and i... used the pi water to wash my hands... :D

my hands felt moisture and "cartoon silky soft" looking...

so... the pi water actually not bad... and if you all are interested... please call me at 0000000

haha, no lah, but seriously i got lobang for getting the pi water filter... and if you are really really interested... send me a email bah... tranquil_lotee@yahoo.com.sg

and hor... i dun sell pi water machine de hor...just find that the pi water is really nice.. so intro to you all lor..

my name...

i thinking of changing my name... to something more stylo milo and not so common...

so i found this name...

CWEN

cwen ng jia lo tee...

good??

haha...

ouch! II

the pain was actually not so intense on the day before.. so i just boh cham and let it be...
then, yesterday... the pain came back... so i tot, maybe i just lie on the "negative ion" mattress that i had... and the pain will gradually go away.. just like last time...

but, my sir wants me to bring him go sun plaza to buy that game that he had been EYEING for a month... and i think the "negative ion" is giving negative feeling on the pain, so i think i should see a doctor on the way too...

then, after seeing the doc and taking the med... i vomitted... EVERYTHING...
so, my lau ban niang and lau ban think i really cannot liao... voluteered to send me down to hospital... and for the first time, i din raise much objections and agreed... cause the pain is killing me...

i vomitted from sun plaza till KKH, and i wonder if i will get to meet my stomach who faithfully served me for the past 29 years if i continute... but after injection... the vomitting stop... so, my stomach is still comfortable settled behind my layers of fats...

and hor, got alot of ppl came to visit me during my short trip at kkh... like gathering.. haha...

now, the pain is not really so unbearable like yesterday, i think the painkiller that kkh give me are quite strong.... but still got alittle stinging pain at the lower back area...

hmm, dun know if i will lose more weight after this?? hopefully will lor... hahahahahaha~

moral of the story?

due to my abdominal cramp, i was unable to sleep... so i went to watch 2 shows on the sarced net...

very disturbing show...

"protege" and "spider lilies"

for spider lilies, by rainie yang... maybe because i watched her other show, devil beside you... so, dun really can accept her lesbian role for this particular show.. and the show is abit slow and boring too...

for protege... there is a pair of drug abused couple... the wife took up drugs because she wants to prove to her husband that this habit can be kicked... but in the end she got kicked instead...and left behind a little girl...
is fine that you want to waste your life, because is YOURS... but, why you want to give birth to another life in the first place when you can't even handle yours?

so, yesterday was a disturbing night, by my cramp and the shows....

ouch!

pain is the feeling i have now...

no, no, not mentally pain or emotional pain... but really really very pain..

stomach cramp and dun know which part pain... just the whole area THERE is painful...

lie down pain, sit up pain.. and even stand up also pain...

and i am curling up like a cooked prawn, except the prawn is red and i am pale...

so what is happening to me???

can we end this quickly

can we end this once and for all??
especially since there is already no room for discussion..
i dun like to drag and is not your style to drag as well..

so,

can we end this faster,

then you can go ahead and celebrate wif whatever low standard bitches for your long lost freedom..
while,
i can adjust myself back to the SANE me.. and get on wif my life...

thank you very much for your help..

husband & wife should stay together..

this phase came from my 6 years old son.. and, he is not like one of those mature kids who think beyond his age... even his teachers commented that he is behaving like a big baby sometimes.....

but,

that day i asked him a question... using my most "casual" tone that... if, one day, daddy moved to ah ma house, while the 3 of us continued to stay at our current place, will it be a wonderful idea?

he replied in a very serious tone... "why?? you and daddy are husband and wife... you all should stay together.. like my ah ma and ah gong... you see, there are times ah gong is very angry wif ah ma, but he still stayed wif her... and there are times when ah ma is very angry wif ah gong... she still stayed wif him... so we all should stay together because we are family, i want us to stay together...can you please dun get angry wif daddy?"

how i wish i could tell him the fact that i am not angry wif his daddy....but, his daddy is the one who no longer wish to be part of this family or even see us as his family... to him, we are nothing but trouble makers and burdens....even a stranger is far more important than the 3 of us...


can someone please tell me to be unfeeling and heartless like somebody i know, so i can ignore my son's feeling and go ahead to lead my sane, normal and not so twisted life??